Wow, over a year and a half...

Its been so long since i last logged onto this account, but i've been reading a lot of peoples comments whilst i've been offline, but not had it in me to post anything... so, time to fill you all in on whats happened, my last post was in December 2013, so I'll start from January last year... (fasten your seatbelts folks we're in for a bumpy ride!)

January 2014, I dropped out of University,  at the time I had no idea why but we'll come to that soon, I went onto job seekers allowance (basically, for those that don't know, in england we get paid a megre sum of money whilst unemployed, to pay for food ect.) and eventually managed to find myself a new job as a chef. I stuck this out from march to June/July all the whilst I knew something was going wrong in my brain, I was getting increasingly paranoid, delusional, and at my worst i even convinced myself I was a sociopath (I even started a new blog elsewhere describing my actions as said sociopath, turns out i'm not) The high stress environment of single-handedly running a kitchen (and for minimum wage... grr) as well as being convinced all my friends actually hated me, in the end finally pushed me over the edge, I was going to kill myself, was fully prepared to do the act when a tiny little voice in my head decided that was the time to speak up and say "this isn't you, you need help, get yourself to A&E" so off I went, arrived in A&E at about midnight.... and just clammed up, that stubborn side of me that has always refused to seek help kicked in once again, thankfully the receptionist realized that something was seriously wrong and I was admitted.

OH MY GOD, talking, talking made everything better, I'm a massive fan of bottling things up because deep down I don't trust anyone, I sat with the crisis team in a room for a good three or four hours just talking, rambling, saying everything that I'd been bottling up for years (since my dad died when I was a kid) things that seemed pointless, things about life, things about the universe, about how nothings fair.

And good on them they sat there and listened, the spoke when needed and even argued against me instead of just agreeing with everything I said, after the longest, and shortest conversation of my life, it was decided I was safe to go home as long as I wouldn't be left alone for long periods.

So the very next day I rang work and explained I couldn't be coming in and why, then spent the day in the sun at the park with my friends and went into work to fully explain in person what was going on and quit, end of story, no more chefing for me (silly career choice really, I've no sense of smell xD can't taste the food I cook)

Bumbed about in carlisle for a month after that and then moved back home, where I got another job working in a sandwich shop, but again I could feel my mental state slipping, crap, maybe work just isn't for me, maybe I should join a monastery...

Then I started Counseling, once a week on a Monday I'd meet up with Gareth my Councillor in Colne and we'd discuss what happened during the week, and how I reacted, and how to avoid said reaction, this went of for about 5 or 6 weeks, then we eventually started delving into my actual subconscious (such a cool experience for an educated person such as myself!) and I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD

Whilst I was in counseling I was helping my uncle with what was his business, a raw feeding company for dogs, however i started changing it to try and make it legitimate (he's extraordinarily dodgy my uncle, wouldn't trust him as far as I can spit kinda guy) and he didn't like it, a few things cropped up and eventually i was given an ultimatum "Walk away, or find someone to do it with you" by this time I'd already started planning on leaving England (again, we'll get to that :P ) and a startup business of my own would have been perfect, I could take funds out as a wage and when the time came, close down shop and declare the business in liquidation, pay what little taxes i'd need to so as not be breaking any laws and disappear, now onto my big journey, in January this year i threw out all my things, packed what i needed for life into a backpack and went what was supposed to be travelling, I wrote a log of my journey so i'll put that in the next update!

Hope thats got your appetites back for my crazy intense life!
Namaste
Liam
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HELLO!

So, not posted for 3 months, plenty has happened

We had placement, which i don't really remember much of because i was traveling to and from newcastle from carlisle every day, so was knackered for sooo much of the time there

then we had a month of, and then eXaMs D:

Fuck me they did not go well, well, they went okay, but one of them has by far over shadowed all the rest,  as regular readers will know, i'm studying Diagnostic Radiography at university, meaning i am receiving training in anatomy, and in the taking, and reading of, many different types of medical imaging, from plain x-ray to PET/CT scans, however, one thing we don't really do in great depth, is Ultrasound (we're becoming radiographers not sonographers for god sake)

So along came this exam, it was an osce (sit at computers, loads of images come up, you have to interpret them and talk about them on the answer sheet you're given) as the exam was for anatomy, we all expected nice, clinically perfect drawn images to come up, instead of images acquired by Medical Imaging, maybe with the odd chest x-ray and a CT scan thrown in.

We were ssoooo wrong,

The first question, diagram of the male urinary system (not including the kidneys) asked to label. including the prostate, not so bad, everyone seemed fairly happy, until question two came along,

it was an ultrasound scan of god knows what with god knows what condition, no idea where the transducer (ultrasound wand) was placed, no idea what sort of image it was transverse (across) or longitudinal (up and down)

it just got worse and worse from there really,

Everyone was livid, made me giggle a bit at how angry everyone was :P

But life goes on,

Go back on placement on monday :) bought my tickets today, which involved getting the train to newcastle to by a metro pass (wasn't as dramatic as i expected, went rather smoothly if i do say so myself)

got back about an hour and a half ago now chilling thinking about watching house to get me syked up for placement hahaha

that and its the only series i have on my laptop, and i can't be arsed going to get my hardrive (by which i mean i don't know where it is :P )

Errm, nothing else new really

everyones gone home for summer now, which is depressing, i'm all alone in scumbria :(

Liam

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PAHAHAHAHAH

12 days 'till i leave for university :D cannot FUCKING wait (whoops, i swored :') )
started meeting people i'm gonna be studying with at uni (for un regular readers i'm studying diagnostic radiography at the UoC carlisle campus) and some of the people i'm going to be living with (only the girls so far :S and i've been told its a fairly even split of lads against lasses in my house, so we'll see)

but i move in on the 14th of september, with all my stuff, and my new life begins without the certain people that have spent the past few months trying to make my life difficult (you all know who she is (on another note, apparently a certain martial arts person is going to kill me :) thus removing his licence and his livelihood, its nice to see i make such big waves in a small pond :D )

I'm starting to realise exactly how much i'll miss my friends though, ellie and sarah are moving into a studio flat together in liverpool (lucky bitches) but last night was the second to last time i'll be diving on a thursday for a very long time (unless my timetable is awesome, then i might be able to come home thursday, dive, go home friday morning, but we'll see :) )

coming up soon (i forget the exact date :S ) is my grandma and grandads 50th wedding anniversary :D so a great big congrats to him for putting up for so long ;) (tee hee)

errmmmm i can't think of anything to add


OH! yes i can, i've got a 19th birthday party tonight at nelson cricket club, and the only reason i'm realllyy going is because my best friend (whom i've not seen for months) will be there :)


thats about it

Liam

OUT! :D

Hellooo

just bobbing in to say hello :D

had a pretty good day, today we FINALLY finished the chemistry spec, so thats it, i'm done with chemistry AND physics now just biology to go then its plain sailing and LOADS of revision until exams :D

I ordered my bag for uni last night, and it just so happens to be a new dive bag too ;) 20 quid of amazon, can't be bad :P mick turner might not be impressed with me spending money on kit NOT from the shop, but £20 for a bag that normally sells for 35, i'm not passing up on that kind of bargain :D (if you're reading this, sorry mick :D normally I'd spend it at the shop ... but i'm a poor student )

REALLY looking forward to uni now, its 4 months away thats 16 weeks, 112 days 2688 hours, 161280 minutes .... but i'm getting ahead of myself :P

well! its 5 pm and i best do some revision,
talk later guys

found a picture of my new bag :D

Liam


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Its been 4 days guys D:

to the stage where firefox logged me out and i had to remember my password (i have 6 different passwords i used for everything, so it took me a whole ¬¬ )

Got my extended project presentation tomorrow, and its not finished yet :( so i have to take my beautiful laptop into college tomorrow and work my pasty white butt off trying to cram about 1000 words into 4 more slideshows (if i don't post tomorrow, assume i took it upon myself to throw every piece of tech i own out of the window in a strop)

life, currently, sucks if im honest, exams are getting closer, which means uni is getting closer, and theres this little niggling doubt in the back of my head that keeps telling me that maybe i'm doing things the wrong way, maybe i SHOULDN'T share with ellie and sarah, because that defeats the whole objective of uni life

maybe i've chosen the wrong course, or what if i fail and drop out halfway through the second year?

all these questions bombing around inside my head, its any wonder i can actually SLEEP at night, let alone concentrate in college.

i dunno

i'll keep you posted as always :D

liam


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Good morrow!

good morning bloggers :D

my last post was on sunday, and i'd started to miss you guys... strange, i tell you strangers more than i tell anyone else, who knows, one day someone i know may read this blog and find out lots about me (mind you, its going public when i go to uni, so i guess they'll all find out then :) )

Really getting stressed over physics right now, i go to all the workshops, all the extra help, but yet it still doesn't seem to be making ANY sense to me what so ever =/ and i'm really worried that if i don't get a C in it overall i'll be boned for getting into liverpool :(

It won't affect my chanced of getting into A university, i'm very confident that i will get into cumbria, but i wanna go liverpoooll -childish strop-

next week is easter holidays, and i'm going to spend as much time as i physically can in college/at home revising, (that reminds me, must sort out a revision time table at some point) i think its the last proper holidays before exams, and i'm REALLY uber nervous, and as anyone will tell you, i don't normally do nerves at all =/

On a lighter note, i'm starting my divemaster course this thursday (i think) which should be fun, hard work, rewarding.... but fun non the less, i can't wait, because a lot of the stuff, i SHOULD ace, and kick the other 6 divemasters in trainings ass (just like at college ;) i feel a serious amount of resentment will be felt towards me ;) ) but then again, i HAVE been diving for almost 5 years now, and have LOADS of experience teaching, helping teach, alsorts of kit, i can already work the compressor, basically i can do most of what a divemaster is expected to do already, this will just iron out all the kinks in my diving and (hopefully) make me better than i am already (and give me job potentials at universities/later in life)


wow, what a lengthy post for 08:10 in the morning (currently my time stamp on posts is being stupid (seems to be set on american time or something so i'll try and change that soon)

Liam



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