just been thinking

about my ex, (the big ex, not one of the others that have come and go in the past few months)

must be a kinda sad existence, she doesn't realllyy have any people she just "hangs out with" like most people, they're all through diving/where she works/mma, and its normally things like that that brings her  together with people... sure she might sometimes get some free time with a few, but not as much as most :(

i actually feel sorry for her =/ and i know i shouldn't because of all the crap she put me through, and all the mental torture she keeps subjecting me too, but at least i've come out the other side with a load of new friends, and so many of the old ones (despite her best efforts) but i do, i won't divulge on here exactly why i feel sorry for her, but if you know me well enough (i.e if your name is sophie, ellie or sarah ;) ) you'll understand exactly what i'm getting at :) its a shame she's let some people drivea wedge between us, but at the end of the day, i lose nothing if i lose her, other than the brief spells of "friendship" that i get from her (which i treasure no end... but they are so few and far between) but then the random rants she goes off on at me and openly slagging me off, just puts my back up against her (and lets be honest, she's my ex, so i'm more than entitled to hate every fiber in her body LOL )

i very much doubt she'll ever read this -shrugs- but getting this shit out is what stops be falling into insanity :) plus, its mostly strangers that read this blog, so i dunno, one day family will read it, but oh well, don't really give a shit, because recently, having family hasn't really helped me compaired to having the friends that i have (Seems to be that lately most of my family will only help if it suits them, whereas my friends will do their very best at all times to help, kinda a role reversal there :P but i do consider my friends to be closer than family anyway -shrugs-)

wow, 2 longs posts in one day, and theres sooo much left i want to write to y'all about, but it'll have to wait i guess :)


Liam

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